My Confession
by xfreelifex
Summary: Carter reflects on Africa, Abby, and his greatest regret. Carby, oneshot, songfic. Written as a companion piece to All Will be Well, but you don't need to have read it to understand.


**A/N:** I own absolutely nothing. None, nada, nil. Wow, that's depressing.

**A/N:** This is written as a companion piece to _All Will be Well/Like Trees in November _(_If I Never Knew You/Or Just Look Like One_ being the sequels), and while you don't need to have read that to understand, there may be a couple things you don't.

This story is for **Alicat Sanders. **Alice, thanks for all your hard work on those wonderful Carby videos; they are amazing.The "Africa" idea also became the center of this story after you mentioned how much you liked it in your review. Thanks for being such a great inspiration and friend!

**Song:** My Confession

**Artist:** Josh Groban

The rooftop of County General Hospital had long held the position of being somewhat of a sanctuary to the ER doctors who came there. _Today was no different,_ Abby reflected as her eyes scanned the skylines of the towering buildings. Over the course of the last few days, she had lost her mother to suicide, lost her brother to homicide, been kidnapped by someone she had never wanted to see again in her life, and then shot to death that man. Today she and Carter were standing on the rooftop, reflecting over the last few days, Carter having just managed to convince Abby, at least for the present, that her mother's suicide was not her fault. But Abby had other things on her mind as well.

"Carter, I'm really sorry about your grandmother," said Abby suddenly. She and Carter were standing on the rooftop of County General Hospital

Carter looked at her, surprised. "Abby, that was almost two years ago. You don't have to-"

"Yes, I do," Abby interrupted him. "I was never really there for you after she died."

Carter furrowed his brow. "That's not your fault. I mean, they found your brother…how could you ignore that?'

Abby shook her head. "He could have waited. I'm so sorry, John. I was selfish. I didn't help you the way you would help me…the way you're helping me now. It makes me wonder…" Carter nodded, urging her to continue. "It makes me wonder if maybe _that's_ why you ended it."

Carter sighed, feeling as though a heavy weight had settled in his stomach. "Abby," he said. She met his gaze. "Breaking up with you has got to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done." He sighed. "I ran away – to Africa. Instead of actually facing the problem, I ran from it."

_I have been blind, unwilling to see  
The true love you're giving.  
I have ignored every blessing.  
I'm on my knees confessing_

Dr. John Carter had several things in his life that he had been sorry for. Like he had just told Abby, he was sorry he had not picked up the phone when his grandmother called him the day before she died. Carter didn't think he would be able to shake that guilt any time soon. Before that it had been Lucy's death; he still had nightmares of watching her bleed, essentially to death, after they had both been stabbed. But perhaps the greatest mistake of Carter's life had been running away to Africa.

_That I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am staggered by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart is turning,  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession._

At the time it had seemed the right thing to do. What with Gamma's death and Eric showing up at his grandmother's funeral, single-handedly destroying it, Africa was a place to clear his head. Abby hadn't liked him going to Africa; in fact, she had downright hated the idea. Her reaction when he came back was pretty painful.

And if _that_ hadn't been bad enough, Carter had gone back – again. If the first time had been a mistake, the second time must have been utter stupidity. And what was worse: that was when he had chosen to end it. Again, it had seemed right at the time. Abby and he made an amalgam of chaos. Their own lives were so complicated; it was nearly impossible to blend them together to find a peaceful moment. Of course, things started out all right at the beginning, but when their conflicting interests all played out at the same time…they only got a mess.

_I have been wrong about you.  
Thought I was strong without you.  
For so long nothing could move me.  
For so long nothing could change me._

It had taken him so long to come around again to realize exactly what he was leaving behind. After he had ended the relationship, Carter never thought one day they might come back together again…but now it was undeniable: he had fallen in love with Abby Lockhart – again.

_Now I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am captured by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart is turning,  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession._

Carter could've kicked himself. How long had it taken him to realize this? Abby was not some puppy dog who was going to sit around waiting for him to come to his senses; she was a living, breathing human being who had been hurt more than her fair share of times in her life. And Carter suddenly found himself dying to be with her again.

_You are the air that I breathe.  
You're the ground beneath my feet.  
When did I stop believing?_

And yet…as much as he was certain she didn't want to be with him again, she had kissed him, had she not, just the day before. She had even told him she rediscovered her own love for him, that he was her last thought before drifting away. Carter couldn't shake the lingering feeling inside of him, the hopeful feeling that had been rekindled by kissing her again, strengthened by hearing her voice, seeing her smile. And so Carter made up his mind: no matter what happened, he was willing to take the risk. Abby deserved a second chance…if she would allow him to give her one.

_Cause I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am staggered by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession._

"It's okay," Abby whispered suddenly, tearing Carter away from his thoughts.

"No," said Carter, feeling his voice break. "No, it's not…Because I hurt you, and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I love you Abby. It just took me a year away from you to realize that." He kissed her lips tenderly.

_I can't hide  
Now hear my confession.  
Hear my confession_

"Hey, Abby?" asked Carter.

"Mm," she murmured against his lips.

Carter pulled back from her. "Do you think we could…start over? Well – not exactly start over, but more pick up where we left off?"

Abby grinned at him. "I'd love to. Where might that be?"

Carter smiled knowingly. "I think I know."

**A/N:** So that's it. Hope you liked it; please review and tell me what you think. I also wrote an SVU onshot for the crossover story called _If You're Not the One_, which can be accessed on my profile page, or the SVU main page. The update for _If I Never Knew You/ Or Just Look Like One_ will be coming soon, most likely tomorrow. Thanks for reading!


End file.
